


Drowning in Feelings

by SugaryMystery



Series: Requests [1]
Category: Original Work, exophilia - Fandom, exophilia sfw, exophilia wlw, exophilia writing - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Poly, request, sfw, wlw, wlw poly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24742255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugaryMystery/pseuds/SugaryMystery
Summary: You never needed to worry about a thing knowing that everything will be okay eventually. That was until your father announced to you that you had a suitor willing to marry you. Not knowing how to deal with your own feelings, you decide it is better to take a break far-away where you use to spend your childhood. Who knows what the crystalline water of the sea can hide?
Relationships: female mermaid x female mermaid x female reader, female mermaids x female reader, mermaid x human - Relationship
Series: Requests [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789153
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Drowning in Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> A lovely request for the equally lovely @coldgoldlazarus on Tumblr. (I'm sorry for the long wait, I hope it is of your liking <3)

I’m well aware that this isn’t very mature of me to do; to run away instead of confronting my problems, far-far away where only a few can hope to find me, all under the excuse of “I need some time to think” and “it’s been so long since I took some time for myself”. Of course, the people who know me are already suspecting that I plan on running out of the county with some hidden lover. Someone who they haven’t met and are already imagining me holding his arm lovingly as we walked away from everyone's prying eyes. 

My father gave me all the love my mother couldn’t, dotting me of all the understanding and attention I could desire. I would say I didn’t grow up being spoiled, but if there’s something I’m completely sure is that I was never alone when I needed it most, in fact, I was getting in all kinds of troubles because my curiosity often got the best of me, leaving me with bruises and a few broken bones.

I always knew he wanted the best for me, I never doubted it, and I trusted him to make many of what should have been my own decisions. That was, until one day when he brought a young man home with him, it was after one of his game nights and I was surprised by the presence of the gentleman. I remember him from a party a few months before, we had chatted over the loud crowd and music about everything and nothing, I was fascinated by how many places he knew and he was delighted to listen to my favorite stories and fairytales.

Father invited him over dinner after the game, we talked a little more but I didn’t feel comfortable enough in his presence, almost feeling his gaze over me at all times. I didn’t want to be rude since he was a guest so I kept quiet, but that thought never let my thoughts even as I tried to fall asleep.

It was only the day after that my father told me the news.

He had received a marriage proposal from the gentleman after meeting me during the party saying he was bewitched by my cheerful spirit and curious eyes full of love for the world. I gasped in horror. He wanted to marry me? After only one night of friendly chatting? I couldn’t understand his reasoning no matter how flattered I knew I should feel. Things just didn’t make sense to me at all!

The worst was to see my father discreetly encouraging me to do so, saying he knew him and he was a good man, pleading and almost begging me to at least consider the proposal. “All I want is for you to be well and have a future secured when I am no longer here for you” he said between sobs as he embraced me. I could feel the usual rush of guiltiness as I embraced him back.

I could only promise him that I will consider it, the pain of that decision weighing heavy in my chest the more days passed, becoming bigger and erratic whenever my suitor would send me love-letters declaring how beautiful I was, or gifts that reminded him of me.

I had to get away, even if it was just for a couple of days. I only wanted to make my father proud and give him no worries, but even in my youth, I realized that could never be.

The truth is; I’ve never wanted to marry anyone. No man or young man has made my heart beat faster, enchanted me with their looks or skills, or make me want to see them every day and night. Was I heartless for that? I was never sure, so I kept my thoughts hidden in my chest. But because of my silence, things have escalated this far.

That’s why I chose to leave and visit my grandfather’s old beach house. It is a safe place where only the sweetest of memories lay, from a time when innocence and joy were the only things in my head. If only I could go back to those times! I only hope that I can find what I’m looking for in here, far away from the annoying sounds of the city, always so close to the sea that you wake up with the sound of the waves.

* * *

I woke up still feeling that heavy stone in my heart but the fresh salty breeze made me feel all the less dizzy, making me remember all those old summers where we would be spending our evenings looking the sunset at the horizon while we waiting for the stars to show up one by one. Feeling nostalgic, I decided it would be great to greet the sea after so long.

It was still too early for the sun to be up and bright, there were lots of clouds in the sky but the air wasn’t cold at all. Following an almost invisible path cover in little wildflowers and clovers, I made my way down to a small side of the beach secluded from the view by heavy large rocks.

I left a towel on top of a smooth one, pulling my boots and stockings out, carefully lifting my skirts and petticoat and tying them into a loose knot at my hip, exposing most of my thighs since I was wearing short bloomers. The sensation of the cold water in my feet made me yelp, the little shells hidden in between the sand weren’t too sharp on my feet although I had to be careful not to cut them if there were any hidden glass.

The water was so clear I could even see little fish swimming close to the shore, but of course, they wouldn’t get close to my feet. Their beautiful colors seemed to glimmer the more the sun tried to rise between the clouds, almost like living jewels.

I touched the water with my hand, grabbing a fistful of sand; most of the colors in a rainbow could be seen in the little stones neatly smoothed by the crashing waves over the years.

Then, I heard a loud splash. And before I could even react or protect myself I was soaked from head to toe, blinded by the salted water still present in my face and hair. I coughed, and then I heard low giggling.

‘’Don’t laugh!’’ I hear one voice said, but the giggling didn’t stop. The water had soaked my hair and was covering my face like a curtain, I moved it aside just so I could see my surroundings better, but only managed to see the rocks. ‘’We are sorry’’ the same voiced replied. ‘’We thought you were one of those mean boys who used to throw stones at us’’

I turned around, checked left and right, but I still didn’t saw anybody. It was just me on the small beach, or at least me and the fish swimming near me. ‘’Who are you? Where are you exactly? I can’t see you’’

‘’We can’t just show ourselves!’’ another voice protested. ‘’The sun is too high!’’ their voice was somehow deeper, and not as high-pitched as the other one. It was such an odd comment since it was still morning and the day was clouded, do they don’t like the sunlight?

‘’You’re exaggerating again. Look at me, I’m more than fine’’ the other voice answered. I hear loud splashing followed by what I assumed was a bit of a struggle over an argument between them. It got me a chance to follow the sound, it was coming from behind the rocks.

I got closer, listening to the voices continuing arguing while trying to keep my steps quiet. I peeked from behind the largest rock, and I was shocked by what I found.

I saw two beautiful women sitting in the water, their lower halves were covered by glimmering scales ending in large tails; the one in the right had bright yellow and green scales, her tail was long and ended in interesting patterns that reminded me of one of the little fish swimming nearby, although her colors were colder in comparison and the scales seem to crawl all over to her upper arms and into the sides of her face and eyes, almost like an eye mask.

The woman on the left had equally bright skin, although her scales looked softer and smoother and could be more visible over her tail which looked like an endless sea of ribbons underwater, her skin had different gradients of grey and blueish-purple fading in various places, her tummy had the lightest colors while the back was almost a dark blue. Both of them had long hair, although the purple-one was straight and covered her like a veil while the green-one had long curls.

It should have clicked me before just by looking at their tails, to realize that they weren’t humans but instead beautiful sea creatures. _Mermaids_. It didn’t matter how different they were from one another, they were both unbelievably beautiful even under the dim sunlight. They continued to pull their long hair playfully, seemingly not noticing me looking at them with my mouth open in surprise. It didn’t last though. I took the wrong step and fell into the water ending in the most ungracious position a lady could, my bloomers in plain sight and everything.

The two mermaids swam closer and helped me sit back again, rubbing my back as I coughed the little water that had entered my mouth.

‘’You poor pretty thing’’ the green-one coed in my ear, her lips so close to my ear it sent a shiver down my spine. Or maybe it was the cold breeze against my wet clothes?

‘’It’s been so long since we’ve seen another beautiful lady around these water’’ the purple-one said as she smoothed my hair away from my face.

Their touch made me blush, as well as their comments about me. Back in my house, I was often called ‘ _’cute’’_ since people would often talk about my odd and exciting behavior rather than my looks, and to have two beautiful ladies complimenting me, well… it gave me a weird sensation as if I had fish swimming in my stomach of pure nervousness.

‘’Uh… well, I doubt I’m looking very beautiful at the moment’’ was all that could slip from my shivering lips. ‘’Thank you for helping me-‘’ I thought for a moment. ‘’Um, I don’t know your names so I don’t know how to address you two-‘’

‘’Marissa’’ they both said in unison, then they look back at one another frowning, clearly annoyed.

I felt the small amount of tension between them so I broke the silence first. ‘’So… you two have the same name?’’

The green one held me in her arms, pulling me away from the other mermaid’s embrace. ‘’Not exactly. Mine has a _’z’_ and hers has only one _’s’_ , sounds pretty much the same which is why it bothers us so much. We never know which one people are calling!’’

The other mermaid tried her best to pull me back to her but the green one, despite being visibly smaller, seemed to be stronger. Or maybe it was the purple-one who was reluctant to use her strength? I didn’t know.

‘’So… how should I call you?’’

‘’I like to be called Riza, I once heard some sailors on the bigger boats saying it means _laughter_ in another language or something like that’’ she said smiling widely, allowing me to see two rows of very sharp looking teeth.

‘’I see’’ I turned to see the other girl, she seemed a little awkward to be so apart from the two of us and embarrassed for wanting to get closer. I held my hand for her and she took it instantly, letting me see that between each finger there was what it seemed to be a thin veil, almost like a web. ‘’What about you? What would you like to be called?’’

She smiled, not wide but shy, her soft-looking plump lips curving a little. ‘’Mari. My parents call me like that’’

The two of them spend several minutes holding me, marveling at the sudden curls in my hair after air-drying the water, pinching my soft cheeks and nose, and playing with my hands and feet finding them odd but somehow cute. I asked them if they have been this close with other humans but they shook their heads, Riza however, often listens to the sailors and fishermen while working.

I learned that Riza was a shallow-water mermaid that had left her shoal a long time ago and often lived alone near the shore. She was bright, warm, excited to know more things, and marveling at everything new and unknown.

Mari was a deep-sea mermaid, which explained her unusual coloring and size. Her family had lived in this part of the ocean for ages, and during one night visit to the surface, she found Riza singing at the moonlight. Mari was shy, quiet, soft in many ways, but very sweet and had such a lovely voice whenever she spoke.

When the breeze started to get too cold for me to stay in the water they finally let go of me, but not after they made me promise to come back the next day to play.

My curiosity was screaming at the back of my head; never before I have seen mermaid up so close, I had no idea there was merfolk in these waters and I didn’t remember seeing any during my summer visits. It felt like discovering a chest full of unknown treasures, of course, I wanted to know more!

I had planned to spend only a week or two before having to go back to my home, getting enough fresh air to think about my answer about the engagement ring still resting in my dresser.

Every day I would pack a tiny basket with some delicacies and bring it with me to the shore to share it with my two lovely guests. Riza would jump right at me whenever I got near the water, many times she threw me at the sea taking the chance to hold me close as if we were dancing. Mari would always approach slowly, almost unsure if it was okay to grab my hand or play with my hair. Sometimes I would be met with one of them, other times they would be waiting together, it always felt good to have the two of them beside me even all they did was talk about what they did the day after. Sometimes they would even bring me rare gifts, like gold-covered shells, missing coins from sunken boats, of rocks they found in the bottom who thought were pretty.

They were a little shy about singing to me. It wasn’t because they weren’t good at it! Their voices looked so well combined, like angels from the sea send to sing me to give me peace in my heart. Often I would hear them sing me a lovely lullaby to help me sleep better. They never admit it though, hiding their face underwater or changing the topic altogether out of embarrassment. Maybe signing to another one was a big deal between merfolk?

I felt comfortable and happy, my heart always overjoyed with so much happiness I couldn’t fall asleep easily, remembering and reviving the memories we had shared. I could blame my curiousness for it, but my feelings for the two mermaids were becoming strong the more days I spent with them. I wasn’t entirely sure about how deep they were but I was glad they were

But no matter how lovely of a time I had in that month, my father soon realized I had enough time to think about my answer. He sent me a letter asking me to return home immediately, that my suitor was more than impatient, and so was my suitor. The ring that hunted me each night and each morning, never truly letting me be free of the worry.

I knew I couldn’t run away forever, yet I truly tried to live inside this seemingly endless dream. I ran to the shore between sobs, feeling the tears in the corner of my eyes. I felt so guilty for made my father worry, for letting that man’s hopes go even higher, and for not being brave enough to say my feelings out loud.

I fell to my knees hitting the sand, I didn’t bother getting dressed and run off the house in my chemise like a madwoman. It was good that this side was secluded enough so no one would see me. The little stones piercing to the thin skin of my knees hurting me, but I didn’t pay much attention to it and instead rubbed my arms trying to keep me calm. I was a coward. Always has and probably always be. The idea of getting married to a man I barely know terrified me, to have to kiss him, to have to eventually spend our wedding night together and to have to bear children for him. I wasn’t comfortable with that no matter what other girls tried to assure me, ‘’you’ll fall in love with your husband eventually’’, ‘’you don’t want to be alone forever, right?’’, ‘’you’re only saying that because you’ve never tried it!’’. All of those words felt like little curses instead of encouragement to me.

I hear the familiar splashing of water but couldn’t bear to remove my hands from my face, knowing that I’m nothing but a sobbing mess behind them. It’s only when two cold hands touch me that I reluctantly remove then and I am met with familiar beautiful scales. The two of them look at me with a pained expression.

‘’Why are you crying?’’ Riza asks me, brushing my hair out of my face while Mari gentle nuzzles against my cheek tenderly.

I couldn’t help but sob more after looking at them into their eyes, those precious jewels filled with joy and wonder for the world, and the same curiosity that brought us together and has kept us close. The thought of never been able to see them again broke my heart in a way I didn’t fully understand but didn’t make the pain be any lower.

‘’Talk to us’’ Mari pleaded. Both of them were embracing me, wetting my chemise in the process. Without words, they pulled me into the water and sat me on top of one of the rocks, the water only reaching my mid-waist. I blushed, not in embarrassment but at the sudden racing of my heart. I’ve seen them many times naked from the waist up, they didn’t need clothes and weren’t bother by it, neither I was, but they have never seen me with so little clothing and so emotionally exposed.

It made me feel a little shy. Despite knowing I’m nothing compared to them both in looks and shape, I’ve never been open enough to let others see me cry out of frustration. Ii never wanted to be an emotional burden to my father so I only smiled for him. With them, I feel safe, nothing but understanding in their eyes, looking right at my soul. 

‘’I’m... engaged, and probably be married by spring’’ I blurted out. ‘’It happened a month ago, I was supposed to stay here for a week at most so I could think my answer peacefully, but it has taken me too long and now I have to go back but-‘’ Riza put a finger on my lips silencing me, she was frowning slightly but I saw no anger in her eyes. Mari on the other hand, looked like she wanted to cry as well.

‘’You don’t need to tell us more’’ she removed her hand. ‘’We sort of knew something was at the back of your mind, that something else was pulling you where you came from, but we never expected that you had a mate already waiting for you’’

‘’It is surprising but it should have made sense to us’’ Mari put her head on my lap, I took the change to stroke her long hair. ‘’Beautiful women are often with family or children, only visiting these beaches before returning where they came from'' 

Riza came to me as well, resting her head on my shoulder. ‘’When we found you here all alone we thought you were like a pink pearl’’ I tilted my head in wonder. ‘’Something rare. Beautiful. A hidden treasure. A one-time discovery. We knew you were probably just passing by, but we also couldn’t miss the opportunity to get closer to you. If we did, we would regret it, so the pain we are feeling now knowing that you must leave us… it is something we agree to bear’’

They were both braver than I, willing to take risks despite the consequences.

They let me cry and say my worries for as long as I needed, even after the sky was starting to change colors. I told them I was going to go back and confront both my father and my suitor, and even though I appreciated everything they did for me but I just couldn’t commit to something like marriage. I only hoped I could get the words right without ending being a mess of sobs and saying nonsense gibberish.

I kiss the two of them in the cheek, embracing them tightly as if trying to keep their touch alive in my memory. As I walked back to the house, it seemed like the sky wanted to cry as well.

* * *

The ride back home was nothing but chaos in my head. My father was already standing in the door to meet me, of course, he was worried that it took me so long to come home but I pushed all unnecessary talk aside. I pulled him back to his study where I addressed the issue as serious and formal as I could, reminding myself that probably I couldn’t stop the feeling of guilt and worry go away, but that I needed to be freed from the agony of unsureness.

My father listened to me, paying close attention to my words and the expressions on my face. He asked if I had plans of running away with someone else. I deny them even though the memory of the two mermaids appeared in the back of my head. I knew it would be unfair for me to expect more from them, only if destiny fated it that way, I might get a chance to tell them how much they meant to me in those wonderful few weeks. He asked me what I would do with my life eventually if I didn’t mean to marry anyone, and painfully remarking the fact that I couldn’t live on his back forever.

I didn’t recognize the sweet and loving father I once knew anymore, he was looking at me with such an intense and stern look I almost shiver. There were rage and disappointment behind his eyes that pierced through my soul, but I couldn’t back off. I answered him that I wished to stay in my grandfather’s old summer house, not sure if I’ll eventually marry but wanted to live doing what I truly wanted, even if that was still unsure.

Father dismissed me after that, telling me to go back to my room as you would speak to a little child who has just misbehave, leaving me hanging without much information about what might happen now that he knew how I felt. I felt so sick and nervous that I couldn’t’ eat dinner, I chose to stay in my room drowning in sorrow.

The maids woke me up in the morning. They brought me my breakfast to bed as well as a letter that was left for me, they saw how reluctant and terrified I was to even open it so they gave me a tight hug before leaving me be.

I opened the letter. It was from my father;

_My dear daughter._

_I only thought I could give the best to you, I thought it was the least I could do to replace the loving care of a mother and to prepare you for the world outside these walls. Unfortunately, like any other parent, I’ve also put a lot of expectations on you, and I am still unsure if that’s something right or wrong of doing. For that, I apologize._

_Do not worry about your engagement. I started it and I will finish it, but I expect you eventually apologize for keeping this man’s hopes up for too long. I’m proud that you are willing to show your colors, and now you need to fight your own battles._

_As for what you can do, I think we can do something with my father's house so you can build something to call your own in the future._

_I love you, you’re my precious treasure._

I burst into tears, holding the letter against my face. The feeling of finally be rid of that heavy stone in my heart cannot be truly described, the amount of relief, sadness, happiness, and guilt was overwhelming that I cried out loud in desperation sounding more like wailing. The maids came running to my room thinking I was in pain. If only they knew all that has happened so far.

* * *

Ending the engagement was… difficult, to say the least. I did apologize to the man, promising to return the gifts and letter he had given me so we didn’t have strings attached. He enraged, felt offended to the core, and screamed at me saying that I should be grateful he even consider to marry me, for no other sane man would even consider me to be a proper wife.

His words should have hurt me, but instead made me feel relieved. To his confusion, I smiled at him and thank him for his words. I finally understood how odd I was in this paper-like world.

Father had the idea to turn the old house into a postal office having noticed in his younger years that the people of the town had to take a-day-trip to the nearest city so they could receive or deliver a single letter. It would take some time to get used to the ambiance, warming up to stranger's faces, and have meetings with important people to start the project. But I couldn’t be happier.

After discussing the plan and remodeling the old house I took a carriage to the beach house, happy to see my beautiful companions once again after believing I would have lost them too. They were, unexpectedly, waiting in plain sight near the shore with their glimmering scales reflecting the sunrays in wonderful patterns. Almost as if they knew I was going back that day.

They waved at me excitedly, and let out a surprised yelp when I jump right into the water without caring that my clothes will be soaked nor that I couldn’t swim. They welcomed me into their embrace, of course, kissing my face all over.

‘’I knew you’ll come back!’’ Riza said, again showing me those sharp teeth I like so much. I had missed her enthusiastic and energetic tone of voice.

‘’Does this mean you’ll become our mate?’’ Mari asked shyly, but in her eyes was nothing but adoration. I was a little taken aback by the sudden confession, blushing madly.

‘’I don’t know exactly. I’ve never been in love with anyone else, neither have I read romance novels to guide me, but what I’m sure about is that I‘d like to be close to you two. I feel safe, beautiful, happy, and excited for what might come’’

The two mermaids each kissed me on the lips. Both kisses were long and tender almost a little hesitant but filled with so much passion. Both times I felt those little fish swim frantically in my belly like thousands of butterflies, but it felt right altogether as if I was meant to be here all along.

‘’We are happy to have you here’’ they said. ‘’For as long as you can stay by our side’’

‘’I hope forever is long enough’’ I kiss them back.


End file.
